…SOMEWHERE IN NOLLYWOOD

                                                                 

FADES IN:

EXT.  NOLLYWOOD AIRPORT-DAY

The Environment is in staccato mood. A beehive atmosphere if you like, some researching, some churning out ‘killing-drugs’ from their machines, some others doing a good job. We meet INVESTOR in the middle of discussion with FILM GUY

INVESTOR: Bros, what’s up? I heard you are a filmmaker from Nigeria. It will be interesting to work with you.

FILM GUY: Yes o. I have plenty ‘block boosters’ to my credit. I have ‘litin and dilected’ many Internet Films.

INVESTOR: Internet Film? Wow is that a new genre of film?

FILM GUY: Yes o. It is sex and ‘lomance”

INVESTOR: Excuse me?

FILM GUY: Eh?

INVESTOR: You said sex and lo… what?

FILM GUY: Lomance (smiles broadly)

INVESTOR: Wow… Interesting. Can you tell me more about this your sex and ‘lomance’ genre?

FILM GUY: Why not, If not? It is the in thing now. You know small small boys, all those ones in secondary school… Ehen! They ‘rike’ sex ‘a-rot’. So we ‘chuut’ where people have sex and one time it sells.

INVESTOR: You mean porn?

FILM GUY: Tufiakwa! God forbid. How can?

INVESTOR: These internet movies you are talking about that sells…  Can you get anyone to write a good script for me? I want to make internet movies too, because I also want to make money, since you are assuring me it will make money.

FILM GUY: No ‘ploblem’ I am a ‘scleen lighter’ too… I ‘light and dilect’

INVESTORS: Really?

FILM GUY:  Yes o. My latest movie, “SEX ON SEX” has paid us ‘tlee mirron in tlee months’

INVESTOR: Wow. Tell me about the story of “SEX ON SEX”

FILM GUY: Ok. It is ‘vely’ simple na… One boy just enter a ‘loom’ and saw one ‘galu’ and ‘do with his mouth mchew! Mchew!” and the ‘galu dim eye, dim eye again’ and the boy did’mmmmmaaaaaaah’. So they kiss, and kiss ooo and fall on the bed. The boy do ‘doggy doggy’ do missionary, ‘do plenty style until they tire and ‘bleathed out, aaaaaaarhhh’. Film Finish.

INVESTOR: I thought you said you were doing Nollywood film.

FILM GUY: Yes na.

INVESTOR: The Nollywood I know or a new one? Are there no form of rules that controls your trade anymore?

FILM GUY: Which ‘lulu’? ‘Tlade get lulu’? Mtchewww, Oga. If you want to ‘chuut ret us chuut’ Forget all those men that enemies of ‘plogrees’

INVESTOR: Then Nollywood is officially in trouble!

CUT

SCENE TWO

No… No… This scene can’t be written. It has to be stopped. The movie is already destined to fail.

How can? I mean how can Nollywood be plunged into this endless cacophony of madness (apologies to Ernest Obi) I stole that line from your film. Back to base…. But seriously, what happened? No, I am seriously asking, what happened?

Funny enough, some people who participated in building this industry have also contributed in sending it to COMA.

Oh yes, haave you asked yourself why some actors were literarily and unlawfully banned sometimes aago by the MOVIE OIL-MONEY MARKETERS just because some of them dared to say, our fees are too small. Oga Producer, add small na.

Do you know that the ban opened the eyes of many actors who and great directors. They asked themselves… What if these ‘illiterate’… sorry, I didn’t mean that. I mean those ‘ MOVIE LORDS’ wake up tomorrow and decide to banish us, ban us or even expel us from making movies. Well, that hard core question hit them real hard and they turned to CINEMA for succor.

Little did they know that they actually own the content… (at least the intellectual aand creative part) this is secret o, don’t tell anyone.

Oh yes! They left and the oil spinners couldn’t create good contents to sustain, ALABA, ONITSHA and ABA… Grab your copy now   !

Did I mention that internet readily accepted the real owners of content- the big directors and actors. Well, as fate may have it- these same parasites that milk all of the key players dry, soon discovered internet -ghen gehn!- (sound track).

Now what happened is that since most reputable and registered and qualified directors and actors have refused to work on their new found ATM – porn, they are busy rebelling against them- as always the directors and actors have been- old allies and foes.

Can this new trend kill Nollywood- Well, it has the power, but it can’t… at least not when the real creative owners are still alive.

What can be done to stop them?

#Singing… Come MOPPICON come!

Again, Can somebody read ‘CYBER CRIME LAW again… What is does it say about pornography in public places… Oga Minister, abeg pass me the constitution again.

Did I say, turn around and ban them… I don’t know if that will work, after aall it is illegal to even consider banning creativity.

Well, in the mean time, let’s continue singing dirge for our dear NOLLYWOOD.

As the sound is going on, meditate and decide whether you want to be a FILMMAKER with blockbusters in cinema, festivals, DVDs, Internet etc or you want to be a FILM GUY with ‘block boosters’ in Internet.

Let me drink ONE BOTTLE of ENTERTAINMENT joor… (I just hope, Dr. KEN won’t read this)

I am coming…